Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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