My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
