I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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