So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
