I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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