your parents love me but you hate me
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
