I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
