i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
