He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
