i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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