im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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