you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you win again, gameday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
