Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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