I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
