I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
