Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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