Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
