return my video game
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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