Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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