There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How external is "for external use only"?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
