Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
