Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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