she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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