Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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