Christians are straight up FREAKS
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
