Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
