How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
