I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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