you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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