Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
how drunk are you?
Several
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
