so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
