apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
