Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
