i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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