I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
