she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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