the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
