I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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