I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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