I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
