Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
