my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
