Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ok first of all what the fuck
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize