a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i love accidental penises.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
