Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
