I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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