On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
