i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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