I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
