I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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