I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
