I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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