Sry I called you an 8
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
