I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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