My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
