she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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