Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
