we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
