My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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