Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
