Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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