I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
