Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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