Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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