My liver just broke up with me...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
