Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
