Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
