His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
how do you play pong handcuffed?
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My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?