You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am mentally ready for anal.
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