as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
