we're blogging at a bar
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
