Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
