i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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