every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize