Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
