Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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