Whats the glycemic index on semen?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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