your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
operation harelip BJ is a go
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
