Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she told me i tasted like america
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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