i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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