I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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