Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
